Bleh, this is the second day in a row that I've visted s'Alex (a bar/restaurant) with the older guys to drink(two half liters) of beer and study. I'm kind of worried about my blase attitude to spending money on beer, but I guess it was kind of my dinner sustenance for tonight. Hopefully I remembered not to connect this blog to my facebook in anyway, hmm, it is connected to my email but hopefully no one involved will see this or think to look for a blogger blog. I am paranoid as usual. Well, during the first couple weeks of the German adventure, I kind of latched on to this one guy because I thought we were similar and it was nice to have someone to talk to because everyone from Oregon knew everyone else. So, after a city bar tour he offered to walk me home because I was drunk and tired. When we got back to the dormitories he wanted to talk more so I went to his room and we talked and then he kissed me. Which led to a very long period of awkwardness and eventually he became clingy and even text messaged me at least 6 or 8 times when I was away, when he knew that it cost me money and annoyed me. Well this eventually led up to his drunken skype message of "I want to have sex with you, I have since I met you" which is totally tactless and really annoying since I had made it clear I was not interested in anything with him. The next day he apologized and then immediately asked me to be his girlfriend. I said no, and that I told him that I had previously clearly indicated this fact. And he was so rude and kept saying things like, "I'm disappointed, If you would have been okay with it.. I would have dated you" like it is such a great thing to date him and he also was like "stop defending yourself", and how I "will never even be slightly happy until I get over my fears, and how I'm so tightly wound and immature" Gah! that was several weeks ago, right before a huge test and I told the girls about it and they stopped talking to him after that and now it has precipitated into all this drama and he's being stupid and showing up to class late and being an asshole to everyone. It has been such a problem, everyone is pretty fed up with him. And he showed up to the bar randomly shortly after we had all been talking and blowing steam about the whole mess. Thankfully he left, but it was pretty cowardly of him.
Gah! I have been trying to convince myself the medicine that I am taking is making my hormones and emotions go crazy, but I have always kind of been this way. Even though I have always been attractive to older men, it has only started to get really crazy since I got to Germany. When I visited with my Germany family (Ernst and Ingrid) I noticed that their son-in-law was very attractive(he is good looking(like many Germans here)and during the holiday his son was sick and he was really protective and took care of his son and comforted him and it was so sexy that he was such a good dad) eventually I want to find a husband like that. And now I am starting to like one of the guys and I don't know if I'm being transparent (I certainly thought I was at the fruhlingsfest when I was drunk and dancing(and he was trying to steal my beer and I kept slapping his face(he at some point was also very drunk and randomly bit my hand))) But he is quite a bit older, even though he doesn't act it. I don't know why I like him (stupid hormones) and I don't even see any possibility of much of anything working out between us, but he's really nice and fun.
But! Tomorrow the girlies and I are going to Baden-Baden, a ritzy German town that has really nice hot springs and is supposedly really beautiful. So, I will probably spend too much money but after all the stress I really need a good relaxing weekend.
Ciao!
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